The Reluctant Whore

Oh GOD would Paula Abdul just stop taking on new endorsement work and actually start trying not to suck so damned much? Jesus! The New York Post reports that she has an alarm near the salon chair in her house which is set to wake her up after she invariably passes out in the chair while having her hair and face stapled together by a professional stylist. This is apparently because she’s addicted to pain killers and they knock the consciousness out of her every morning when she gets up and takes one.

Why bother getting up?

Her ludicrous and ratings poor reality show on Bravo, “Hey Paula” was set up entirely to refute the general consensus that she’s actually heavily self medicated with stimulants by endlessly claiming that she is, in actual fact, an insomniac. Oh, that explains it. That explains everything. Is she really worth that much that people want to invest an entire reality show in her just for damage control?

Lindsay Lohan also claimed the same thing in her recent interview in Elle Magazine,

“I have really bad insomnia. My whole life. I get nervous at night going to bed, and being awake alone really freaks me out.”

Right, so clearly, the decoding should occur thusly:

“I suffer from insomnia”

Should actually read:

“I’m unhinged and heavily dependent on anything hyperactivating from cocaine to redbull – anything that will help me push through the fact that my body is actually clinically dead but I have to keep going…keep going for all you wonderful people out there in the dark…”

[source]