Friday, August 24, 2007

The Daily Mail has some quality work happening today. There’s the Amy Winehouse horror and then they’ve also run this astonishingly candid piece about the bed situation inside the Tom Cruise compound.
It’s just obvious, startling revelation after obvious yet startling revelation.
The main point the article makes is that Tom and Katie sleep in separate bedrooms because of Tom’s “snoring” . Of course, in this situation, “snoring” takes on a whole new meaning; it’s one that attempts to encapsulate the inordinate extent to which his relentless denial laced pursuit of men and his total physical indifference to her actually goes.
They quote US Magazine who quote “a source” : "It's a situation that works for both of them".
It sure does. She gets an otherwise improbable career and he gets to BE IN CONTROL which he apparently enjoys.

A contender for the best quote ever is:
"Of course they spend time together alone at night like most married couples; after all, they conceived Suri!", again from a random unnamed source.

You can just imagine the panic in the deep recesses of the soul of the “unnamed source” who let that slip out and this quote is clearly a nervous, backpedalling which was no doubt followed up through the quick popping of several Xanax. But, regardless, it’s still a valiant effort to keep the “ Tom Cruise is a virile heterosexual” myth circulating. Who the hell left believes this crap?
Second contender for best quote:

The source added: "At first, it was because Katie was Catholic and single, and they were only dating. It was the proper thing to do."

Honestly, for all the money and cultural influence Tom Cruise has you’d think he’d be slightly less 18th century when it comes to marriage. Only the middle class are so hell bent on being self righteously moralistic. Everyone else does what they want. And yet, here we are with an arranged marriage with separate quarters for the lady caller on account of her polite Catholic manner. Catholic, yes, and his natural distain for heterosexual interaction. Just in case you forgot.

Actually, the absolute best line of the article (truthfully, it’s hard to really make a decision seeing as they’re all champagne) is the last line:
A spokesman for the couple was not available for comment
Damn right they weren’t. The spokesman for the couple is probably being eaten alive right now by Tom Cruise for allowing the beginning of the article to be printed. That’s how long it takes him – he’s already filleting his staff for letting a leak occur by the time you’ve finished reading. One thing that is pretty likely is that Tom Cruise is sweating and charging back and forth and Katie has hurried out of the room with Suri running behind. Suri drops her toy airplane and Katie turns, horrified to see her stalling to pick it up. “ Just leave the fucking thing, kid! I’ll buy you a real one…right now we have to run,” she says with terror making her voice tremble. [source]

No comments: