Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Rush and Molloy report that Britney is rumoured to be scheduled for a "surprise" performance at the MTV Video Music Awards Sept. 9 in Vegas the big surprise part will be if she manages to walk out on stage without a chicken drumstick in one hand, a nesting bird in her hair and a kid roped to her waist. Is the premise for hiring Britney now the same basic premise as hiring say William Hung or Sanjaya? It’s cutesy, mean spirited freak value? It’d make complete sense to hire her actually because if she sucks ass on stage and vomits in blubbery terror then at least it’s just another Star Magazine headline that will sell well and be relentlessly watched on Youtube. If she doesn’t screw it up, then BANG, comeback moment, and MVA caught the first coherent, marketable moment Britney has had in a while.

The great thing about Britney Spears is that no matter how screwed up and irritatingly white trash mother she is, there’s clearly always enough story going round that each gossip mag can have their own little exclusive. The general gist in all the mags at the moment is: Britney is a lousy drunk, childish self absorbed mother who hires nannies so she can actually have friends and she is at once over protective of her kids while simultaneously relegating them to the position of crawling ashtrays.

The best gossip stories right now fixate on her new apparent lesbian relationship and the fact that she allegedly told her kids that they were a mistake. Who is actually writing these? Is Joan Collins lounging in jeweled reading glasses, heels and a sarong somewhere on a chair made of naked men draped in a faux leopard skin typing out editorial plot lines? You’d be forgiven for immediately jumping to the conclusion that she is. Because, that would be the conclusion you’d immediately jump to as well, really, wouldn’t it?

But regardless of the relentless stories of child neglect and distasteful tendencies towards relaxing and letting the natural white trash fall out in front of and on top of everyone ever, it’s nice that there’s still talk of a comeback. Probably because talk of a comeback is the only real thing that would be able to cut through the “Britney hates her kids because she’s an alcoholic lesbian whore” headlines. Anything else would just be din. Britney is after all, for the most part, just a cultural din right now.

No matter what happens, it seems Liza has passed the gaultlet. A good solid diva for the gays is in the making. [source]

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