Monday, August 20, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd
The London Times is reporting about a genius new product called “Aerogel” or, frozen smoke, which is made when you extract water from silicon and replace it with a gas like carbon dioxide. Apparently, it can do anything at all – even fix your failed marriage and erase fine lines and wrinkles. “This is the new Bakelite,” they’re tellin’ me and when you look at the images, it’s easy to see why. It looks like a less sickness inducing theatrical prop from a Las Vegas show. Apparently it was created on a bet decades ago. What an astonishing life those whacky crazy bet makers must have had. All sitting around the lab, drinking alcoholic cider (just one!) and one of them let’s LOOSE and bets his CRAZY friend that he couldn’t create a product by manipulating the molecular structure of silicon. And BOY! Does he look stupid NOW. And also, so do I when you think about it. That guy is probably a trillionaire right now and wears Chanel suits made of bitches and bling everyday. Yeah well, at least I could drink a whole bottle of vodka in a night if I wanted to. Four years ago. God, I suck. [source]
A whimsical and charming elderly gent in the UAE is 78 and has one leg. Those two things aren’t stopping him from focusing on his goal of impregnating his two wives enough times that by the year 2015, he’ll have 100 kids. What a deal for the women! Firstly, they’re already a tiny step above cattle as far as he's concerned seeing as there are two of them, secondly, he’s 78 – he’s probably got ten years at the most left in him so all he really has to do is thrust himself upon them relentlessly for ten years and then die. Then where are they? Well, they’re stuck with each other and 100 kids. Actually, like so many other great things that happen, that could actually be a great premise for a reality show. They open their own bakery or t shirt making factory and make a go of it. Penny Marshall could produce. There's no time for bullshit when Penny Marshall’s in charge. [source]
Got nothing to do Tuesday? Why not sit on ebay and buy an island? There’s nothing wrong with that plan at all and it’s only 250,000 Euros at the moment. The great thing about this is that it’s probably the closest anyone will ever really have of owning their own island upon which they may install one of those mountains shaped like their head. I have the mountain but I don’t have the money to buy the island yet. My tax bill is still not paid and I have an outstanding phone bill. Who gets to sell an island, is the question though. Let’s face facts though. There’s no one eyed evil genius buying this island. It’s probably just going to be someone like Donald Trump and he’s going to inject American corn syrup addicted culture into it and rape the Christopher Atkins out of that place. [source]

No comments: