The Reluctant Whore

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Well, it’s good news for the millions of English people who have been deprived of the sparkling beach off the coast of Cornwall since a photo of a great white shark allegedly swimming there. The photo of the shark was found to simply be an hilarious joke. The National media in Britain had apparently gone nuts covering the sighting and finally, 52 year old bouncer explained that the photos of the shark was actually taken off the coast of South Africa. He was quoted as saying:
“I didn't expect anyone to be daft enough to take it seriously."
Ok, but let’s think for a second here; man takes holiday snapshot of shark to local media and says, “this is a shark swimming off the coast.” Ok, so there’s the bulk of the material…. Oh GOD . OH! I get it. What a well rounded hilarious god damned joke. Ah hem. It’s not that it’s offensive or irresponsible – which it sort of is anyway but who really cares – it’s really just about “Where’s the humour?” Am I dead on the inside? Oh, let’s look at others in this series: “Hi, son – look, your mother’s been in a car crash…” “Yeah, it was just a joke.” I’m smashing my face on the desk right now as I type this, repeatedly at how funny that is. Seriously, I can’t see anymore from the debilitating laughter and clarity with which I understand this gesture. [source]

A woman in Israel opened a piece of gum and found that the tattoo she got inside the wrapper was of a Nazi soldier with a swastika armband. Ok, so – after that shark thing – this is actually funny. This is like the holocaust, gum version of that idiot retail assistant who kept insisting to Liza Minnelli that she was Judy Garland after Liza said flat out, “Judy Garland is dead.” You know what grace is though? Grace is that Israeli woman deciding to just have fun with it. Yeah, she would come across as gracious if she just did what she normally would do which is to have fun with it and wear that swastika with a little humour. Then we’ll see who won out in the end. Be the bigger woman, my dear. [source]

It’s always enjoyable the way most things that come out of Texas also come with at least some degree of threat attached to them. The recent Redneck Games were certainly no exception and I’m just literally in endless tears at the realization that I couldn’t be there this year. Oh, how appealing it is to think about hanging out with a bunch of country yokels as they drink, rev their engines on a country lot, compete for the title of “Ugliest Butt Crack” and the time honored mattress shuck which, according to this article involves simply throwing a mattress. Sadly, there’s no mention of the “impregnate your sister” race or the “share your tooth” chomping competition. I guess, primarily, because I just made them up. Apparently, the whole thing got to exciting that arrests were made. God damnit. I can’t believe I could be in jail right now with some of these people and I missed my chance. Still, there’s got to be next year. Maybe I’ll go to Texas now and not move until it starts again. [source]

In further “Beijing prepares for the Olympics” based news, thousands of people just got married in China exactly a year out from Beijing Olympics. That all sounds so romantic and supportive of the big cause and also superstitiously focused on omens of good luck – the 8th of the 8th month in the year of ’08 is three 8s. Three 8s is all about good luck in China. I also suspect that a few thousand of those people were ordered to get married by the government and in fact, have never met. It’s all about the appearance of tranquility. Watch next year, the day after the Olympics finish, the Chinese divorce rate will spike. [source]