Considering that he’s 81, in very bad intestinal based health, hasn’t been actually seen or heard in months and there have been no official photos or footage of him since July 5, it would be at least reasonable to assume that Fidel Castro is dead or moments away from death. Perez Hilton, among others, announced that Castro is dead at the weekend, but, just to keep the suspense going - that may not actually be the case.
If Castro isn’t dead then he is officially surpassed Anna Nicole Smith in the headline grabbing gesture stakes and frankly, those were some pretty extraordinarily large brassieres to fill so kudos to Castro for that unique pioneering gesture.
Still, awards for Castro’s ingenuity aside, the hilarious if not unnerving thing about this entire ordeal is that following on from the rumours over the weekend, the Cuban Government released an article “written” by “Castro” that was dated August 25 but it still doesn’t prove he’s alive. Clearly, anyone could have written the article.
If he is indeed, dead, then the amount of stress his staff are currently under must be astonishing especially at this point. Surely, faced with an international image crisis such as this where the world is unsure if he’s even alive anymore; they’d roll his old cigar smoking, bearded, colostomy bagged carcass out, electrocute his ass, have him dribble a few words, remove all doubt as to his status as a member of the technically living human race and then be on their way. No more 4 am crisis meetings because of “leaks” like the one on Perez Hilton. “Oh God, the world thinks he’s dead again – ok, everyone, eyes to the communications people: John, Megan, Stuart, what do we do THIS time?”
That would of course probably make it the most elaborate and enormous Weekend at Bernie’s re-enactment since Pope John Paul – the latter years. It’s one thing to spin a story to your administration’s advantage but to actually insist indefinitely that the leader has been alive the whole time and to continue as though it were business as usual has got to drive a Chief of Staff to the drink each night not to mention the Press Secretary who, in this case, would routinely write articles as Castro just to fend off rumours he was dead. If you’re doing that on a regular basis, what exactly are you thinking? You’d probably be thinking about a career change at that point I’d say. Or, maybe not if you’re a drama queen.
Still, this is one of those interesting stories like with Britney Spears (right now) or Hayden Pannetiere (eventually) and Zac Ephron (also eventually). You know the spin is going to collapse in on itself eventually and when it really does slip up and fall over (ie. if and when Castro finally does come out to give a speech and his arm falls off when he calls for solidarity or something) then the story can only be a remarkably entertaining one that Entertainment Tonight will no doubt buy the rights to and cover with impeccable journalistic integrity. [source]