Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Hayden Panettiere has been hammering out the innocuous, pretty, translatable starlet angle for a while and now that she’s turning 18 she’s been on Letterman to talk about it. My question is, why do starlets HAVE to be unfunny and totally uncerebral in order to be marketable. She must have cracked like 8 jokes in that interview with Letterman and the audience was lucky if they weren’t in a coma.

She does say the word “porn” and she does talk about voting though which pretty much woke everyone up half way through. The porn part is good in the sense that she gets to rattle the cage and make everyone remember that she can be a sex object now legally – which heightens her appeal nationwide, and the voting thing is good because it aligns her with American values. American values coupled with porn. The two are almost codependent anyway but good on her for hammering that home.There just isn’t anything there to grasp and it is for that reason that, as Perez said, she will be the next Lindsay Lohan.
There are three up and coming "clean" starlets who seem to be throwing in a bid for the positions held by Lohan, Spears and Hilton. Ashley Tilsdale from High School Musical who had a birthday on the beach recently with iced coffee and outdoor activities (and no doubt several parents and publicists on the sidelines with hipflasks of gin and anti-nausea tablets), Alli Sims, whose proximity to Britney Spears is close enough to sponge off but who isn’t allowing herself so much connection that she gets dragged into the quagmire as she attempts to flog her heart warming rendition of “On My Own” from Les Miserables by ramming it down the throat of anyone who goes to her site. And also there is the newly legal Hayden Pannettiere. It’s almost too much trouble to actually try and spell her name right. If I didn't, I’d probably wake up in the middle of the night screaming though so I’ll stick with it.

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