Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Samson Sor Siriporn, the Thai boxer who won her freedom from prison by winning a jailhouse boxing match (wow, let’s talk about hard core lesbian sports…) has kept up her winning streak even on the outside. In Thailand you can get out of jail earlier if you manage to box and win. The only reason they don’t do that in the US is because boxing would be accidentally replaced by the words “shoot lesbian porn” each time and then it would be lawsuit central. That’s ironic too, really isn’t it, seeing as the last name of the champion boxer actually contains the word “porn”. Gosh, the world complicated and interesting. [source]

A South Carolina inmate has hand written a legal document which more or less makes up the basis for a law suit against “barbaric” dog fight trainer NFL quarterback Michael Vick. Inmate Jonathan Lee Riches is alleging that Vick stole his animals, sold them and also somehow used the money to buy missiles from Iran because he was a member of al Qaeda. He’s asking for 63 billion dollars. If it weren’t for the actual 63 billion dollar figure and the fact that this law suit has actually been filed, this isn’t a news story, it’s clearly just the ramblings of a mentally unstable prisoner. But seeing as it does involve actual figures, it’s fine. I want him to win. He should get 63 billion dollars. It’s a totally reasonable fee. Again, just like with the Rutger’s player and Melanie Brown, it’s about the precedent. It’s not the money. [source] [source]

A 63 year old man in Malaysia has been arrested for practicing dentistry without a license for 29 years. He would charge people about $US6 for an extraction. The pricing structure must have been his downfall. Why wouldn’t you charge more if you wanted to seem like a real dentist? When you’re charging 6 dollars for a tooth extraction you just come across like the dental version of one of those freaks who post on craigslist who want to clean your house for free as long as you abuse them verbally. Hang on, why haven’t I hired someone like that before? It seems like the perfect arrangement for me. They’re probably weird freaks who steal from you or who insist on dressing like a pig though. Too much drama. So, back to the dentist, this dentist was probably sexually attracted to teeth. That’s the only explanation. [source]

This is really yesterday’s story but it’s one of those stories about how a petty criminal is stupid so timeliness is really of secondary importance because we have a chance to laugh at someone; a man in Ashland, Kentucky went and tried to rob a convenience store and to disguise himself he covered his head in duct tape. The store clerk smacked him in the head with a baseball bat and someone else from the store kept him in a headlock until the police got there. Then, he maintained he was innocent. He said:
"Look at me. Do I look like a duct-tape bandit baby? I'm not no duct-tape bandit. You hear me? Live one-on one Ashland, Kentucky, you know this is not me. Do the math, do the homework, man."
Mmm, indeed Sir. I believe it is, in fact, YOU who have not done your homework. Perhaps EVER. Clean up your filthy act, you’re quite disgusting. Actually, if he and I lived in a house together with cameras it would be a rather interesting comedy of errors. [source]

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