Thursday, August 09, 2007

While it’s easy to put the screamingly obvious pieces that make up Lindsay Lohan, her childhood and her parent’s utterly inhuman exploitation of her coupled with their own infantile need to have not failed so pathetically at careers of their own, no one has really full on come out and said it clearly. Until now. And, you know, it’s nice to have a certain sense of clarity. It’s no longer as much of a chaotic universe of possibility; we’re finally getting to the point.

Lohan’s old bodyguard Tony Almeida has finally cracked and had to accept no doubt tens of thousands of dollars from In Touch magazine and he’s explained the reality of Lohan’s childhood as he saw it when he worked for them between 2002 and 2005.
TMZ reports that he said:
"Once, when Lindsay was 16, Michael flew into a rage while driving and slammed on the brakes and dragged her out of the car, pushed her up against the hood, screamed at her and called her a slut. This was on the Long Island Expressway! I got in the middle of it and pulled him off."
Firstly, did anyone think about the fact that maybe Lohan was a slut at 16? How else was she to learn who she was at that age without parental instruction? It seems like there could be a protection power dynamic going on here that bares remarkable similarity to that of Tom Cruise prior to Pat Kingsley being fired as his publicist. Everyone was afraid of saying anything about how Tom Cruise is gay and also completely insane while Kingsley was holding the strings because they were afraid of her. Once she left Cruise Corp. the fear dissipated and it all leaked out and now look at the mess. Mama Rose Lohan may be a diner workin’ showgirl wannabe who chews gum with sassy mama attitude as she carries out your wedge of syrupy pie a la mode but it wouldn’t be surprising if she could break someone’s legs with her teeth. Has no one come out and directly said this about the Lohans until now because they’re afraid of the mother and the father?

Are we to reasonably, at this point, expect to find the body of a former bodyguard in the trunk of a car having had its ear chewed off by a big old stupid slab of White Oprah flavoured tuna?
There seems to be no other more likely expectation to have. Run Tony. Just keep running until morning. [source]

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