Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Pete Doherty may actually be Satan. Seeing as Pete Doherty can apparently do coke and heroin on the street in England probably in front of children while explaining to them how to do it and handing out pamphlets in between falling over and wallowing in puddles of his own vomit and being in a successful band and no one seems to think anything of it, perhaps his Achilles heel will be his cat. Pete’s cat gave birth to kittens and tests reveal that one of the kittens has cocaine in its system.

Pete Doherty’s relationship to cocaine and narcotics is more or less the same as Kevin Federline’s relationship to getting women pregnant. You really only need to be within a certain radius of Federline to get impregnated by him judging by the spawn he has created and you also apparently only need to be within relative distance of Doherty for a short period of time before somehow cocaine gets into your blood. That’s also the case if you’re actually a statue of a Catholic priest. Actually, it’s true even with a painting of a statue of a priest. If you happen to have a painting of a statue of a priest and you put that painting in Pete Doherty’s home for ten minutes, the chances are tests will come back showing that the vast majority of priests in the world of ANY denomination will test positive for cocaine.
That’s also the case even if you’re a cat fetus who hasn’t even been alive in the outside world. Pete’s cocaine power can go through amniotic sacs. Excellent. What a super power to have. The power to inflict cocaine onto newborn kittens. I think that actually makes Pete Doherty Satan. [source]

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