Monday, August 20, 2007

Britney is sporting a new, less horrifying hairdo and it’s just in time.

As K Fed pulls out the big guns and channels the iron clad paternal reliability and Republican-esque military aesthetic of an Israeli ex-commando to wander around the no doubt terror stricken streets of LA looking for people to serve subpoenas to (incidentally, how hard could it possibly be to find a group of people whose primary mission in life is to be seen?) Britney has been striking back in her own way and this bland as hell new hair is just the beginning.

Last week we saw the heavily documented, completely newsworthy asnd relentlessly fascinating moment when Britney managed to eat at a restaurant, take her boys to the bathroom, maybe change one of them and then walk back to the car, strap them in and drive away without incident. Not one child was dropped or ashed on, she may have been wearing underwear – maybe not – the thing is, we don’t know for sure because she didn’t insist on removing all doubt by showing us, she wasn’t drunk, smoking or smoking drunk, there was no fried chicken involved, no mopping up of dog shit with a 40 million dollar gown. Nothing.

This time, she’s apparently shorn off the ratty hair extensions and has, instead, opted for her own natural hair which is about 2 inches long now. All its taken is six months for the hair to grow back after she calmly and rationally removed all her hair in that salon and it made the front page of international media. Now, with those big organic color tinted sunglasses she’s wearing she looks like a cross between a chronically average looking suburban mother, an 80s soap star and a top note of baby obsessed lesbian.

And really, what better combination of aesthetic elements could one appropriate in the war against LA society idiot and custody based terror.
So, what does this mean? Well, kudos to Britney for merely functioning, I suppose. Jesus, why not bronze her face – what an accomplishment. Still, it doesn’t change the fact that her kids would be better off being kicked down a well and screamed at for an hour a day than living with Britney or K-Fed. [source]

No comments: