The Reluctant Whore

James Blunt gets laid a lot and many of the people he sleeps with are supermodels

What an extraordinarily important piece of news the New York Post has just run. Excellent work, New York Post. Who’s James Blunt schtupping at the moment? German mannequin Tatiana Patitz. Who’s she? Oh GOD, who gives a shit.

The most interesting part about James Blunt is the fact that he’s still anywhere at all – most notably at the moment – on Page 6 of the New York Post today. Sure he had that schmaltzy song a while back about not seeing someone ever again after seeing them on the train etc. and sure, in the music video he sat there and took off all his clothes – except, of course, for his pants. Yeah, we all had a good laugh about that and he does have a strangely angelic looking face and his voice is sort of ethereal.

The trouble is, after one or two replays of James Blunt, his voice sounds like what it tastes like to drink too much Bailey’s Irish Cream. It’s alright in the beginning and you’re kind of marveling at it but then eventually it starts to spiral out of control and the enjoyment plunges desperately low until it tastes like parmesan cheese and my God, you just want to get out of there at all costs because it was meant to be kind of dessert like.

Plus, why the hell does he have a freaking beard? Why is it that pretty guys go and do something stupid like grow a beard? It’s like they want to abandon the fact that they’re pretty and go in the other direction and try and look like a lumberjack.

Ok, James Blunt – you’ve just got to do something about everything. Shave off that beard and, I don’t know, try and do something less annoying next time. [source]