The Reluctant Whore

OK! Magazine is like the nice friendly mothering aunt type neighbor of all the celebrity magazines That’s their angle when getting to the celebrities they obsess over. They bought up the racy shots of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo in Mexico a while back to prevent them from being published by any other magazine and so they could show Lachey and any other celebrities who happened to be watching that they were always going to play nice.

It’s an angle, why not be nice when everyone else is cut throat and hate filled? It helps them stand out.

So, now – as part of their niceness spree – they’re selling one of the gowns Britney Spears violated with stains from her rancid assed white trash greasy food during the meltdown of a photoshoot that failed miserably and they’re donating the money raised to Mothers Against Drink Driving.

Oh, excellent. What a nauseatingly charming thing to do.

Apparently, it’s a Versace gown with mustard stains on it. First reports said it was Chanel and then it was Zac Posen with chicken grease. The chicken grease then became the reliable part. Now it’s Versace and apparently the stain is mustard. Is it possible that Britney wrecked not one but two or even three designer gowns that day? Why is it that we have really only ever heard about the Versace gown now? And the mustard? I mean, what the hell is going on?

All that saccharine goodwill from OK doesn’t mean squat if I don’t know how many freaking stained and wrecked gowns there were from the get go. The only reason I’m even thinking about this is because Britney’s insane behavior is sort of validating for me seeing as I’ve never wiped up chicken grease with a Zac Posen gown and therefore I feel superior. Why hold back?

Having said that, bidding isn’t too high for the wrecked celebrity gown (especially in a world where mindless freaks pay shitloads and also trek to find grilled cheese sandwiches that have the face of the Virgin Mary in them so if you want a Versace dress with only minor horror weaved into it then get moving. Just have the thing dry cleaned and be the belle of the ball. Sooner or later though, it’ll be up there around the same amount as a real Versace gown so buying a new one will actually end up saving you 20 dollars postage and dry cleaning. It’s a toss up. [source]