Thursday, August 23, 2007

Pete Doherty, fresh from not being booked for being in possession of narcotics while on probation, has more than likely beat up a woman in the street. The woman, who is unfortunate enough to be stuck with the strikingly unfeminine name Cath Mead, a name that, for some reason, conjures up images of a little stump of wood lost in a forest, took a photo of Doherty’s new girlfriend, Doherty flipped out, chased her and beat her up. According to the Guardian:
“Miss Mead, 22, claims she was left with bruises and clumps of hair were missing after she was assaulted by Doherty.”
Let’s just have a little sit and think about the marvel that is Pete Doherty for a minute.
When he’s not rehearsing with his band The Babyshambles (and judging by his extra curricular activities has got to be less often these days but that shouldn’t be a problem for the band seeing as he’s the embodiment of hope and focus) he’s selflessly channeling mounds and mounds of any kind of narcotic he can get his hands on into his veins and lungs and , let’s face it, probably rectum (what a trooper!) or he is working on wondrous little projects like somehow managing to get his pregnant cat to ingest cocaine or beating up random woman in the street.
Plenty of people have stalled on this but I think at this point we can all agree that there’s really no reason why Pete Doherty shouldn’t be given some kind of award for outstanding achievement in the field of sparkling genius radiance.

Also, isn’t a pact with the devil usually indicated by accepting something three times? If that IS the case, then one more act of random, delusional, anti-social freakiness and Doherty may qualify for a free cup of coffee and donut upon arrival in Hell. Apparently the countless other times he has been busted aren’t important. In Hell they usually serve the same kind of donuts we have here but the filling is mostly sadness and used sump oil. You can’t give it back though, that’s the catch. They charge you and all sales are final so you HAVE to eat it. [source]

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