Thursday, August 23, 2007

So despite her best efforts to completely obliterate her marketability and future, not to mention the efforts of the entire team of crisis management legal, image and media professionals who simply must be on call each and every minute for her, Lohan isn’t being charged with any felonies at all, according to She only has to face charges of 7 misdemeanors and for those, TMZ suggests there could be a plea bargain set up.

So, basically, the precedent for her is set now to run riot through the streets of, well anywhere when you think about it, and she can more or less walk away.
It’d be sad if she weren’t famous and therefore was not able to immediately follow up each of these disastrous little narcotic fueled outbursts with a massively controlled PR campaign such as they one she’s currently embarking on which involves immediately checking into an insanely expensive rehab resort and then inviting Us Magazine to come by for the day to watch and photograph her walking a rented smiling dog or sitting on a balcony reading a book about sobriety.
Sadly too, we’ve no follow up folk song about the key issues at play here from her father who will no doubt strain to desperately be a part of the excitement of yet more coverage of everything surrounding Lindsay Lohan besides her actual career by offering to take responsibility.
Even more surprisingly, Mama Rose White Oprah Lohan is nowhere to be seen. The only explanation with her can be that she’s being hammered by a revolting, middle aged, fashionably dated VP of talent at some cable network who is promising her a career on TV. That’s in between lines of coke of a crap glass coffee table that sits on top of a shag pile rug. She’ll come running any minute now unless the corporate force running Lindsay’s public rehab image effort has told her to pipe down. Maybe it’s clicked that all this is more or less her fault. So, the guilt has now set in. That crippling, soul aching guilt. It’ll pass with another drink or the success of one of the younger kids. [source]

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