The Reluctant Whore

There are rumour based reports that Britney Spears is considering moving to London so she can have a fresh start but London just doesn’t seem like the right choice for her. Since the corporate product veneer came crashing down after she shaved her head – apparently her hair was the source of her sanity and focus.

How the hell are her problems going to be solved by moving to a country even more intolerant of unrefined Americans than Hollywood? Well, actually, Hollywood’s problem with slovenly porcine commoners like Britney Spears is slightly different to London’s problem. London doesn’t actually have a problem with the rotunned in the sense that there are plenty of portly, pale chavs living there; this will play into the whole ongoing cultural tug of war England has with the USA.

Beneath the veneer of cooperation with reference to contemporary politics and capitalism, Americans still feel insecure and stupid in front of the English and the English are resentful that they have to put up with a nation full of loud, unapologetic colonials. But it’s too bad because they do.
Madonna had to campaign and more or less reinvent herself before she was allowed in and even then it’s also about the fact that she has a heap of money and could afford to buy up the property that would keep her in good stead. Mohammed Al Fayed bought Harrods and was never accepted by the English.

If Britney Spears wants to move to London it will be like the reversal of Posh Spice moving to LA. Posh is failing miserably at integrating because she’s so uptight, English elitest and ultimately pretty classless. Consequently, America is resentful that they even sort of bothered to welcome her which, admittedly, they really only did because Tom Cruise wants to sleep with David Beckham.

Still, if Posh Spice’s inanimate corpse sitting deadpan at soccer matches and spitting scornfully on Los Angeleans is hilarious to watch then Britney Spears scurrying around, underwearless on the banks of the Thames on all four Louis Vuitton clothed hooves sorting through garbage with her snout in between dancing on table tops in tears in a desperate attempt to woo Prince Harry should play out like the perfect trainwreck soap opera so she really should hop on a plane and do it. Look, here are some flights that are ready to be booked right now. [source]