Tuesday, August 28, 2007

It’s been a while since a mean old repressed homo Republican was found on his knees in a public toilet with a hooker/model/dancer/recording artist/aspiring press secretary “helping get something out of his eye”. They’re the only kind who are. A while ago we had Bob Allen who claimed he was afraid of black men surrounding a public toilet so he, you know, sought cover in…someone and then prior to that Ted Haggard was quite a doozy.

So, you know, it is for that reason that we actually THANK the Republican Senator Larry Craig of Idaho for his selfless lewd acts with other males both throughout the past and earlier this year in a bathroom at an airport in Minnesota. It’s been kept secret for a while, but it was just reported that when the senator was arrested back in July he actually pled guilty, paid a fine and then was put on probation.
We thank him because he’s brought focus back to the chronic personal failure of the type of people who insist on living in terror stricken fear of non-issues like gay marriage, evolution as a science subject and sex before marriage to name a few. We thank him for getting caught in a public toilet and for pleading guilty as well because yet again it’s proven that the only freaks who actually champion homophobic legislation are the types who are usually repressed weirdos themselves. With the exception of Vice President Dick Cheney who does it for calculated political profit.
Americablog reports that he has a 0% HRC rating which would actually take some conscious effort to achieve and even Michelle Malkin asks the question, “Should he resign?” – the poll for which suggests he should resign with 18% saying “yes” and 56% saying “hell yes” and he has withdrawn from his role supporting the Mitt Romney presidential bid.
Maybe he shouldn’t resign, but his place in the senate should now be heavily conditional. He should just come out of the closet, change his political platform and explain the extent to which his political position had previously depended on being a homophobe and that he actually doesn’t think that there’s much merit in arguments that gay people shouldn’t be allowed various civil rights and then he could explain how his own internalized hatred of himself was what really pushed him along in being a complete failure as a human rather than any reasonable argument against gay people.
Hell, while he’s at it, he could even put on a freaking cocktail gown and do a few simply choreographed showtunes while holding back the tears as he stares at the shattered remains of his career in politics. That’d be interesting work. It would also be important and clever and amusing work. Amusing for me. There’s nothing like a man in a dress on stage holding back the tears while trying to force out a happy go lucky number. Nothing, I tell you.
How many more mean assed Republicans are left? Like 5?[source] [source] [source]

1 comment:

Cipher Theory said...

I'd like to say that this is his Own Private Idaho!!!