Oh look! It’s more of the same old crap thanks to the freaking genius Lohan family!
What a god damned surprise.
We’ve got something for everyone here; Lohan has checked into Cirque Lodge, a maddeningly expensive rehab facility in Utah and it’s apparently not just a glorified publicity mustering resort, it has Forbes Magazine’s seal of approval.
There are rumours she’s actually in Merrick, NY at Mama Rose-Lohan’s house (who knew she had property of any worth besides her money making kids) but we shouldn't expect to know for sure until Lohan is found in a pool of her own vomit in a parking lot in Merrick or in Utah (please make it Utah, please make it Utah – the cultural clash and religious disapproval of the Mormons will bring in a whole other exciting and new angle!) and of course, we’ve got Michael Lohan chiming in which is always a treat.
Michael Lohan’s comments are of the same classic ilk of Michael Lohan pearls we’ve come to rely on as well – he claims responsibility, passively blames the mother, talks about his regret at not being able to instill better morals; in short, he plays the anti-Dina to try and regain control of the money making daughter.
It’s nothing new but it keeps the chills at bay and for that we thank the Lohans. May they never get well for our amusement. [source]