The Reluctant Whore

Always sharply aware of how to operate despite the fact that she’s quite clearly a fame leech without an original idea, Dina Lohan has taken time out from chewing gum, twisting her hair, parading around her bedroom changing clothes sent to Lindsay Lohan from designers and from practicing how she would host her own talk show in the living room by forcing her petrified yet paid assistants to act as guests on her pretend talk show to try oh so freaking desperately to recreate the kind of back and forth media argument that Rosie O’Donnell had a while back with Donald Trump.

Trump, rather understandably was quoted in the press as saying:

"Find what you love doing (other than drugs and alcohol), work hard, stay focused, get a new set of parents – then join me on 'Celebrity Apprentice,' which is shooting soon – I'll keep you straight!"

Nothing new there – just a veiled plug for his own show which is the only reason he ever says anything really. Self promotion. Plus, his point about Lohan is innocuous and more or less spot on. She should get rid of her parents because they’re revolting people.

Anyway – so even though Dina Lohan is totally buried in tasks relating to the complete demise of her family and also, and this is the point that’s probably weighing most on her mind, her source of income – she has graciously managed to come out with a solid rebuttal to Trump and it’s painfully and awkwardly clear that all she wishes is that she could get an O’Donnell feud happening.

I've always had a great admiration for your business sense and I've read all your books and learned from them.
Points to Lohan for establishing a non petty culture of respect in the first line.

Your own brother died of alcoholism and you own Trump Vodka?
All points lost of cheap shot but one point regained because as if Trump is really any better.

You say Lindsay needs new parents? Such a rash statement without backing it with fact?
The second line isn’t actually a question. Points off for bad grammar. This kind of statement can only ever be an opinion unless there really are physically no parents. What facts would she like? Is that a challenge? Isn’t there enough evidence in any day’s paper? The LA Times runs a daily check in called “The Daily Lohan” for Christ’s sake.

I am a single mother of four children doing what I can during this difficult time!
That includes taking time out of your day to needlessly argue in the public sphere.

Do a background check of both parents and you will find the truth!
Needy and desperate; she sounds like the argumentative brat kid at high school trying to deflect.

Shame on you... so many families suffer from this, yours included. We need solutions not opinions!
To what? Bad Parenting? Sadly, it’s too late for sterilisation with Dina…anything less than that would prove meaningless at this stage.

The rancid truck stop ho probably thought she’d catch Barbara Walters’ attention if she did this and that maybe she’d be considered for the vacant position on The View. Excellent timing with that, seeing as they announced that Whoopi Goldberg would be taking over from Rosie. But that’s another topic entirely. [source]