Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Seeing as her celebrity worth has been dwindling steadily ever since she emerged from jail and was required to actually speak on Larry King thus removing all doubt about how utterly pointless and high school she really is, Paris Hilton has had to do SOMETHING to stay relevant. She’ll never be the zeitgeist she once was now that it’s been revealed she’s a human but she can still get the invites and gift bags for life if she just keeps showing up.

That’s probably why she’s been latching onto yesterday’s celebrity deadweight moochers. Last week she was seen with Kevin Federline and reports that, over New Years Eve, she was seen with Larry Birkhead. The photo I used is from Halloween but it was free so just assume she’s wearing something more glittery and that he's wearing something unintentionally uninspiring and drab.
Why Larry Birkhead continues to get press escapes me. Why he has that Nick Carter haircut escapes me as well. Still, it’s good to see the really solid F grade talent flocking together. It's safer when you keep them all in one place as there's then less chance of them slipping into a good film and ruining it with unrealised camp irony that they hope will keep them working.

Interestingly enough, I really think that all Paris Hilton has to do now is have some kind of accident that stops her from being able to walk so easily. Like, she needs a cane. That would be something no one was expecting. It would really be a break from the chronic predictability we're inundated with right now. Either that or it would be good if we found out she was actually genetically part clown. [source]

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