I thought that maybe it was impossible for this week to become any more of a complete ass rape than it already has become but the raping continues with reports out of Fox that David Beckham and his 15 cars is responsible for 163 tons of carbon dioxide yearly — compare that to the normal 9.4 tons the average Englishman produces.
As far as I was concerned the Beckham duo was like a really basic dichotomy of cultural extremes you could set your watch to. David was the talented, beautiful, calm, egoless humanitarian underwear model soccer star and Posh was the talentless, self starved ego maniac nagging fish wife gorgon shopping addict who supped on his soul. Together they formed an unbeatable team that harnessed celebrity power better than nearly everyone out there. One could not exist without the other and yet they maintained completely opposing manifestos. Like God and Satan. Yes, that’s a reasonable analogy. Like God and Satan.
Apparently, that’s now not the case and as a result everything I knew to be true has been destroyed and now I don’t know who I am any more. I’m sort of ambivalent anyway and that’s even worse. God, everything really is completely ruined. I still blame Posh. She probably forced David to use that petrol. He was sitting there in his little white shorts and a t shirt suggesting politely that they ride bikes at the park and she lay back laughing maniacally, covered in pork fat so she would tan faster while dropping Trim Spa tablets into her morning martini and DEMANDED that they buy more cars and fly in private jets to go on their seal clubbing holiday. That’s the story I’m sticking with. [source]