Thursday, January 10, 2008

Jamie Lynn Spears didn’t tip a minimum wage waitress, Page Six reports and I’m glad they did report it. "Jamie is not well-liked here," says waitress Brittanie Heaney, who makes just $2.37 an hour. Of course, the story would be less distressing if the waitress’ boss simply paid her a freaking living wage rather than exploit her but that’s the way of the US.

There’s a lot we’re finding out about Jamie Lynn Spears that just isn’t very edifying and that’s because she’s now pregnant. When teenagers like Spears get pregnant it means they are impure and evil and need to be stopped. Sort of like vampires.

Who knows what else is wrong with her? I mean, I don’t yet and I MUST find out immediately. For my future. It’s up to the New York Post to find out exactly what’s wrong with her, to really ascertain the parameters of her depravity so kudos to them.

Only yesterday it was rightly pointed out that she might be listening to the soundtrack to the film Juno, the story of a girl who gets pregnant quite young and even though we can’t possibly be sure that it’s true, it’s a viable point. She might be using that soundtrack to sit and marinate if you will, in her own vile, immoral, impure filth. To congratulate herself on where she is in life in a sensual manner.

So, thank you New York Post for pointing out that Jamie Lynn Spears didn’t tip appropriately. I’m appalled and am constructing a buffer between myself and anything Ms. Spears may be involved in from now on and it makes me feel better about myself and the direction in which my life is heading. The San Francisco Chronicle reports that that Ms. Spears is pregnant has doubled ratings for the Nickelodeon Show on which she stars. America is therefore falling to ruin. [source] [source]

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