Friday, January 04, 2008

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

A 102 year old Eric King-Turner and Doris his 87 year old wife are moving from Britain to New Zealand to start a new chapter of their lives. I’m not sure if that makes them the oldest people ever to move to New Zealand or whether this is just a story that is meant to be noteworthy because they’re old. Apparently they married only 12 years ago. New Zealand is a good place for old people because it’s not terribly high impact and there’s a lot of lamb. Old people like lamb because it’s cheap and plain. No sense in getting stuck into fancy stuff when there’s a war on. When you’re old there’s always a war on. [source]

There’s nothing to worry about if you’re an unemployed youth in Northern India because the government has just decided to have you capture and sterilize monkeys. If I ever got a job like that I’d be that guy who basically stands around and doesn’t do my job. It sounds like a kind of interesting job to have to do, I mean certainly it would be a lot better than having to sit in a class that is meant to teach you how to write a freaking cover letter or something. I’d still stand there. I’d probably run to the left and right a bit to make it look like I was trying but ultimately I wouldn’t do much. They can’t fire you either. That’s the hilarious part. You can’t get fired because that’s why you’re there in the first place; you’ve already been fired. [source]

Stan Friedman, a Manhattan librarian just won a couch potato contest after he successfully sat in a chair at ESPN Zone and didn’t move from watching relentless sport on TV for 29 hours. He wasn’t even allowed to sleep. So, essentially he was consciously tortured. 29 hours of college football has got to be one of the most harrowing concepts I’ve thought of all day. Regardless, he won 5000 dollars, a 42 inch TV and a recliner. People like Stan Friedman don’t actually experience existential crises. That’s why Stan can go, “Ok, I’m going to sit in a chair and watch TV for 29 hours and not sleep and then I’ll be a winner.” He’s one of those people who get to be blandly satisfied with everything. He is a librarian though, so that’s nice. That’s one good thing. I salute you for that, sir. [source]

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