Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Germany’s back in the insistent sexual weirdness saddle with news that German nudists will be able to start their holidays early by stripping off on the plane if they take up a new offer from an eastern German travel firm. If you’ve got 499 Euros and you want to fly from the eastern German town of Erfurt to the popular Baltic Sea resort of Usedom then this is for you. Of course, it’s not fair to assert that all nudists are sexual predators; no, that’s not the case. I just can’t see this trip not being a middle aged, baby boomer fest with a bunch of fat weird Germans who are finally expressing something, albeit inanely, after working their entire lives in office jobs. Good old compartmentalization. Ok, for some reason it smells like skunk near me right now. I have no idea why. There better not be a dead rodent anywhere near me.[source]

An Oxford Librarian named Jean Preston just died and it has been revealed that she had an art collection in her home valued at something in the vicinity of more than 4 million pounds. She inherited the work from her art loving father and even though she had 4 million pounds worth of art in her small, crap, suburban red brick home, she still insisted on riding the bus and eating frozen meals. I mean, I’m assuming they were defrosted first. Actually, no, let’s not assume. If the woman were able to hoard 4 million pounds worth of art, including a rare edition of the works of Chaucer and some 15th Century rare Renaissance work then she was probably one of those hardened, tough as nails English women who complain a lot and insist on living like it’s during the war just so she can feel better. No sense in needless frivolity – it the powdered egg and nightmare diet for HER. Still, she’s dead now so the art is going to be redistributed. "My aunt bought her clothes from a catalogue, ate frozen meals and went everywhere on the bus," one of her family members said. "Who would have thought she had the equivalent of a winning lottery ticket in her spare room all these years?" [source]

For nine years, Jerome Bartens from the UK had to cope with the handicap of being half deaf. Then suddenly the reason for his problems became clear - when the end of a cotton bud popped out of his ear. So, now the kid can hear perfectly again. The cotton bud itself was a brown orange color probably because it had been marinating in ear wax for 9 years. Literally. The other part of this story I like is that the kid’s father is Mr Bartens, an HGV driver from Haverfordwest, Pembrokeshire. I mean, can you GET any more English than that town? I mean, granted it’s probably a rancid suburban crap hole but the name is just so exhaustive. Good old everything. Actually, my favourite part of this story really is the quote from some fuckwit Christian named Megan from Knoxville, Tennessee. She literally wrote:
“One of the main reasons we are so low on the WHO list is because we don't have socialized medicine. Praise God!”- Megan, Knoxville, TN.
Wow. Way to out yourself as a fucking nutcase idiot, Megan. Skunk smell is gone now. [source]

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