Friday, September 28, 2007

Wow – it’s a great day in unchecked ego in Divaland thanks to the release of some vastly unnecessary fragrances and all I can say is, thank crap because today is pretty damned slow. All the news is just bland sightings and critiques of Rumer Willis’ hair. Actually Rumer Willis’ hair is pretty dreadful. I’ll post about that in a second.

But first, both Britney Spears and Mariah Carey have fragrances coming out and the ads for both are hysterically tragic and kind of alarming. Above is the new ad for Carey’s new fragrance “M”.

They graciously avoid any real close ups of her face by simply flooding it with massive amounts of light in between close up shots of what is clearly someone else’s body. So all you get is a mild pain in your retina from staring at white light rather than the shocking truth about her sagging haggard jowls which would have induced some form of intellectual revulsion anyway so – assume you came out about as scathed as you always would have with partial blindness after watching this masterpiece. I love that we’re meant to believe it’s her and even more so that some people do in the same way that Sherri Shepherd doesn’t believe in Evolution.

Then there’s Britney’s fragrance, “Believe” the adverts for which I found on . I think I’ve said this before but Britney must be under an older iron clad contract with the fragrance company which states that she’ll release several fragrances over a number of years because unless that’s the case there’s no rational reason why Britney should be releasing anything at all. Including herself from a dead-bolted house. Still, the mark-up on fragrances is something like 700% so who can blame Elizabeth Arden for going in for the kill. All they have to do is churn out the cat urine, put it in a swank, green tinted glass vase and hope the teenaged girls in the fly over states don’t notice when Britney wakes up in a pool of her own vomit. Then they spend heaps of money on parties and extras and get Britney to say something poetic and bang, it’s commodified poetry for the masses.

Fragrances are incredible things. They’re nothing and everything at once.

“Believe” is an exercise in massive corporate denial more than anything else. They’ve airbrushed the reality out of Britney’s face so she looks the same as she did 3 years ago and they’re expecting us not to notice. There are people who won’t though. This will actually give hope to some kids. That’s why people like Chris Crocker exist. Well, that and massive prejudice and areas of low cultural density.

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