Monday, September 10, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

To guard a $120,000 ruby- sapphire- and diamond-encrusted pair of Rene Caovilla sandals Harrods has hired a cobra to swan around inside the display case. So, that means there’s something there for everyone. For the rich there’s the hype and pomp that would surround the cage itself prior to their ludicrous purchase of the shoes and for everyone else, ie. the less than uber rich and indeed, pretty much anyone with a brain there’s a deadly reptile in place to symbolize the chasm between the classes. “You’ll never transcend where you are,” it seems to scream. “You’re stuck there for life and if you try and get out you’ll be bitten. Just stand outside and marvel.” Meanwhile, what the hell is with $120,000 shoes? What if you wore them and it rained? You’re an idiot, that’s what. [source]

Russians apparently don’t want to have kids. What happens then? Well, Russia simply invents a special day called “Conception Day” which is to be on Wednesday where people are encouraged to conceive. How the government encourages that, exactly, is another matter. If people are naturally, en masse, deciding not to have kids in Russia and then, because of “Conception Day” a lot of people actually do then I basically have no faith in Russians. Well, not on a day to day level anyway. But the thing is, maybe this explains Russian President Vladimir Putin’s recent topless jaunt through Siberia. Perhaps he was literally trying to seduce and arouse as many Russian women as possible. What at trooper, putting himself at risk like that. [source]

Ochi Yosuke, a Japanese man is the new air guitar champion of the world thanks to his recent win in a competition held near the Arctic Circle. Air guitar is the dumbest God damned bullshit competition ever. It’s the kind of thing that insufferable nerds go to so they can be clever and ironic together and congratulate each other by snorting laughter at their clever jokes. It’s sort of like Puppetry of the Penis; it’s funny for about 10 minutes and then you realize you’re there for the next hour and so you start to drink more per minute than you usually do. Tired tired tired. The only thing that makes this ok is that they decided to have the competition up near the Arctic Circle. That’s interesting. So, all up the initial chronic failure that comes with the fact that air guitar sucks next to the triumph of having the competition at the Arctic Circle – essentially they’re back to zero points. Why bother? [source]

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