Corpses have been showing up drained and headless in the West African state of Togo and it’s more than likely because they have upcoming parliamentary elections and people get a little hysterical. They explain it away by linking it to religion which of course sort of lessens the severity of almost institutionalized sociopathic behavior. What a charming place to live, I am moving there as I type this. [source]
The Shorter Oxford English Dictionary is out and 16,000 words that previously had hyphens now don’t have them. They’re taking the hyphen out of words like ice-cream and bumble-bee which, funnily enough, I never used a hyphen to spell in the first place. "People are not confident about using hyphens anymore, they're not really sure what they are for," said Angus Stevenson, editor of the Shorter OED. People are not confident? I’m pretty sure they’re entirely apathetic and ambivalent actually. Who are you when you’re job is literally to talk about hyphens in the media. Well, you’re probably a riot after a few martinis actually. Like after 13. [source]
So earlier in the week Nebraska State Senator Ernie Bennett announced he was suing God in an effort to illustrate the importance of what are considered frivolous lawsuits. He was seeking an injunction from God for unpleasantness caused to millions of people by God. All of a sudden a statement, apparently written by God, appeared saying that the defendant isn’t subject to the laws of nature and it was signed by God and mentioned St Michael the Archangel as a witness. To any thinking person this is clearly a publicity stunt but in America, there’s actually bound to be a collective of freaks who will now see it as actually being what it is saying it is. Maybe there’ll be a trek out there to witness the documents, maybe there won’t be – it’s hard to say. It would be reassuring if humanity did trek to Nebraska to see God. Yes, it would also be calming. [source]
Fashion label Zara released a handbag which featured green swastikas as part of the design and they’ve had to remove them from shelves. This is sort of like those children’s books that featured the word scrotum that won an award and was then barred from libraries. Who is doing the checking prior to manufacturing and distribution? Meanwhile, now those handbags will be worth a mint. A packet at the till is what they will be worth. So, the brand gets some notoriety, anti-Nazi activists get a victory, collectors of handbags get a rare item and people who own them already are able to cash in cause they’re now limited editions. So, everyone wins because of the swastikas actually. Who do we thank for this? Hitler. [source]
The local government in Alberta, Canada is championing a new initiative to get kids hunting again rather than hanging out in shopping malls or playing video games. "Hunting is more fun (than video games) and a lot healthier," said Ted Morton, the province's Minister of Sustainable Resource Development. Well, look it sure is in the sense that you get to breath air and move more when you’re hunting down animals to kill and maybe eat but isn’t that what they’re essentially doing while playing video games minus, of course, the literal blood and carnage? It’s still the process of hunting and killing. Either way, it seems clear that society is dying for kids to grow up having killed something. Anything. That is only a good thing. [source]
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