The Reluctant Whore

So Dannielynn Hope Marshall Smith Bouvier Birkhead is turning one and naturally there’s a massive media savvy party being thrown in her honor.

TMZ reports that the party will be held at the mansion of Tricia Barnstable Brown, the entire place will be decorated pink and that 200 people will attend. Who the hell are these 200 people? The kid’s 1, how many people does she actually know? Plus, what the hell does the kid care anyway? She’ll probably just sit in the middle of a room full of wrapping paper and marvel at the colors. Unless she’s still dependant on even half of what her mother was at the time of giving birth in which case, maybe the kid will sit there scratching her cheeks asking if she can borrow 20 bucks from the media b-list that turn up.

Which is the next point: the only people who are more pathetic than the people who turn up to Little Baby Dannielynn’s first birthday are the people who turn up but can’t get in because they’re not on the list but thought they’d try and blag their way in. The kind of media assistant types who work for a peripherally relevant baby moisturizer line who have dressed as slutty as possible in hopes of maximizing the flirt effect they’ll have on the bouncer.

It’ll be nice to see Mary Hart there though. She’ll manage to get a flatteringly soft camera lens into that house and present a heartfelt portrait of the kid at one year out that can be played out in two minute segments every single day over the coming weeks. Good old Mary Hart. Always where she’s needed. Maybe she should go to Iraq next week. Maybe she should do a reality show about her time in Iraq. Whatever she does, it would be great to see some hard war reportage coming out of Iraq from Mary Hart. [source]