The Reluctant Whore

For people whose entire livelihood is dependant on the crap coverage they get for being totally synthetic human douche bags, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt sure do suck at basically everything that keeps them afloat. Tom Cruise might suck but at least he doesn’t let everything about his personal life leak out every day. It’s astonishing the way Montag and Pratt continue to operate despite the fact that leaks occur regularly undermining the fragile basis for every career based move they make.

ICYDK blog reports that OK! Magazine will report next week that the Montag/Pratt double act is apparently now sitting down to plot out their breakup, which every vaguely aware person could have predicted months ago.

“They’re going to stage a huge breakup, and Heidi is going to pack up all her stuff and move out of their apartment,” said a friend of the couple told OK! Weekly in the magazine’s September 10 issue. “[Heidi] is going to say that she wants to focus on her career and doesn’t have time to plan a wedding and will accuse him of cheating on her.”

Good idea. Focus on your blossoming career in pretty much anything you want to be doing, Heidi. There’s so much out there for a trumped up whore like you. You could do the door at Scores in Manhattan or be the centerpiece for a bukkake orgy hosted by Japanese businessmen when travelling in Las Vegas. The sky’s the limit.

There are a few really astounding things about these two chasms of talent that remain though. One is the ability Spencer Pratt has to continue to be the astonishingly obvious manipulative douchebag he is without caving after even a moment of self reflection. He never seems to crack despite the fact that there have got to be no more than 3 people, all under the age of 12, who actually buy the product they’re selling as they apparently intend it. The other thing is that an MTV representative told OK! “this story is completely untrue.”

Well, gosh, I just don’t know what to think. Here are two completely contrary points of view. I really expected MTV to actually throw up its figurative hands and say, “Aw, shit, you got us! Dammit. Ok, back to the drawing board. Sorry Heidi, all those lines you just memorized, forget em. We’re back to zero.” And then her head explodes. That’s what happens in my version. [source]