Thursday, September 20, 2007

Why is it in any way surprising that someone as bland, rank, saccharine and predictably ambitious as Hayden Panettiere could lose control in a moment of high pressure enough so that the painted-on smile and personality corset she has to wear to be who she is ruptures just enough to threaten the life of a reporter who apparently wrote something she didn’t like? It’s freaking not! Did no one see Mommie Dearest? That wasn’t high camp schlock it was a study in human narcissism and control. Behind the studio crafted head, hair and breasts you just know Panettiere spends every night at home screaming at the help about the freaking dirt and cutting herself to drain out the hate.

Here’s what TV Guide reporter Michael Ausiello wrote he saw at the Emmys:
Question: To help me cope with the fact that Heroes didn't win anything, could you please tell me which Heroes heroine nearly came to blows with a reporter on the red carpet?— Danielle
Ausiello: Man, you guys are asking all the right questions this week. It's almost like you can read my blog mind. Anyway, it was the unbreakable Hayden Panettiere who threatened to "kill" a staffer from Us Weekly over something she wrote about her in a recent issue. (Sources have since confirmed that it was this item that had HP's barely legal panties in a bunch.) Just when it looked like Hayden was about to pull a Sylar on said reporter's skull, her quick-thinking publicist grabbed her and scolded, "Not on the red carpet." It was a classic Hollywood moment — and one I predict will be streaming all over the Internet by week's end.
Hayden Panettiere is part of the new guard of plastic, pop products who have to hold it all in and keep it perked up without question so they can be the purest objects of American desire. Paris, Lohan and old Gimme More guts are on the outs and a new crop are sprouting.
Of course, there are so many great parts about Hayden Panettiere doi ng this. Firstly, it’s pretty hilarious that a publicist basically treated her like a misbehaving dog and yanked her back into line. Panettiere is probably fine with being dehumanized as long as she gets paid and is still on TV. The other thing is that it doesn’t matter how clean and pure she tries to be, eventually the entire thing will start to implode and she’ll start blowing rails and dishing out ass for cash. The attention and adoration and free moisturizers are never enough for a famished soul like Panettiere. So, that’s something for us all to look forward to.
By the way, where is Lohan? She really has kept it out of the limelight. Who knows, maybe she’s dead. [source]

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