The Reluctant Whore

Week # 36 in Review

At the beginning of New York Fashion Week, designer Oscar de la Renta, it was reported, had gone through his invite list for the exposition of his Spring 2008 line and made the sweeping decision to cull people he considered substanceless like New York aspiring socialites Tinsley Mortimer and Olivia Palermo from his show. It was then revealed that he would, in fact, not be showing as part of Mercedes Benz Fashion Week at all, opting instead to show his work later on at an old Christian Science Center. It was reported as news that models Iman, Linda Evangelista and actor Demi Moore were seen eating actual food at a fundraiser for FIT.

With the focus on fashion and culture, we were almost in danger of forgetting about former lawyer to Anna Nicole Smith Howard K Stern, Larry Birkhead and little baby Dannielynn Hope Marshall Smith Bouvier Birkhead but thankfully, a book by sensationalist Rita Cosby was announced and with it came details of specific claims that Birkhead and Stern were not only in business cahoots regarding the marketability of the child, but that they had been sexually involved with each other as well. Birkhead went on Larry King and threatened to sue but in the meantime, Dannielynn’s first birthday was being arranged and 200 guests were expected to attend.

The highly suspect relationship that exists between The Hills cast mates Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag was rumoured to be coming to an end as friends and those close to the two leaked to the media that they were planning their break up to ensure maximum media coverage but in the meantime the official coverage of their wedding went ahead with the release of images of Montag trying on a wedding dress. Nude photos of High School Musical 2 and real life girlfriend to Zac Efron, 18 year old Vanessa Hudgens surfaced much to the horror of her squeaky clean employer, Disney and after breaking up with husband Heath Ledger, Michelle Williams was seen out in Park Slope, Brooklyn wearing high heels and looking radiant.

Barbara Walters announced that Sherri Shepherd would be joining The View just a week after Whoopi Goldberg did and the set to the show was painted beige.

Britney Spears, it was confirmed, is working on an act for the MTV VMAs but she will not be collaborating as intensely with illusionist Criss Angel as was previously reported, Busta Rhymes’ trial for assault and DUI was pushed back to November 7, the trial of R Kelly due to 14 charges of child pornography was pushed back until Spring 2008 and Tommy Lee was seen having sex with a rope-in groupie woman in a booth at Hamptons club, Dune.

In an interview with Vanity Fair, actor Nicole Kidman stated that she had had a miscarriage while married to Christ figure Tom Cruise and that she was also briefly engaged to someone else between her marriage to Cruise and her marriage to musician Keith Urban, comedian Jerry Lewis, at around the 18th hour of his Memorial Day Telethon, used the word “faggot” on live television, the hotel stationary upon which dog killer Michael Vick had written his apology notes was for sale on Ebay with proceeds going to the Humane Society.

The former housekeeper of recently deceased real estate tycoon Leona Helmsley, a Ms. Zamfira Sfara announced that was planning to sue the Helmsley’s dog, Trouble for repeatedly biting her. Sfara’s son was quoted as saying “That dog got money. That money is going to be taken away from that dog.” Luciano Pavarotti died at the age of 71.
In records and numbers news, a million toothpicks were collected and assembled to make a mosaic tribute to Anton Gaudi in Albania marking the largest toothpick based piece in the world, and an Australia man paid $100,000 for two first class seats aboard the maiden voyage of the superjumbo jet, the new huge aircraft created by Boeing.

In North America, a 65 year old Maine woman was carded while attempting to buy wine at a supermarket. She did not have ID on her and was therefore not allowed to complete her purchase, American school cafeterias made dramatic changes to their menus in an attempt to tackle the problem of childhood obesity but there was legal arguing over whether or not cupcakes on student birthdays were to be exempted from the new rules, a nine year old prodigy from New Jersey returned to university and claimed that his first class was easy and Domino’s Pizza were still selling their horrifying Oreo pizza dessert.

In Asia, Malaysian cab drivers were told to wear only one shade of white, China was employing teams of eagles and foxes to deal with their increasingly imposing rat problem, Nepal’s state run airline sacrificed two goats to the Hindu God of the Sky after they solved some technical problems, Police in North Vietnam were issuing orders to workers that stated that cooking in the workplace was now discouraged and so was colloquial language and the unsatisfactory completion of telephone conversations, and a senior Chinese official named Pang Jiayu was in trouble with the law after eleven of his mistresses made complaints about him after some of their husbands were sentenced to death.

“Pang did not expect that he would be brought down by his own 11 mistresses,” said the official People’s Daily.