The Reluctant Whore

Britney was just charged with driving without a license and at this point it’s probably safe to say that Britney is a lot like the Queen Mother. The only reason that the Queen Mother was able to live over a hundred years with those wood-brown teeth, frail, war remembering skeleton, legs that required TWO walking sticks and two other humans to help them operate and eye poppingly racist views is because she lived in a massively well funded bubble. It’s the same with Brit. The only thing keeping Britney going right now is the fact that she’s a multi millionaire and doesn’t have to do anything that would be considered unpleasant yet necessary for self sustenance.

Oh look, you’re utterly unhinged and suddenly divorced! Quick! Fly first class to Hawaii! That’ll take the edge off.

Oh look, the children are crying! Quick! Drop 75,000 bucks on a new car and a yarn based wig.

Oh look, you broke a nail! Quick! Order 8 pounds of Iranian caviar marinated in the blood of young blonde virgins and then dump it all down the toilet immediately and sing something from Walt Disney's "The Little Mermaid".

She has every little whim catered for through a rotation of staff and a flood of cash and so what would be the otherwise quite telling details of every day life that may require for anyone else have virtually no effect on her except in the brief moments where she’s forced to stare at herself. The last time that happened was after the VMAs when she finally saw how fat she’d become and she ran screaming into the night until a doctor was brought in to medicate her. Hours later she was still out in no underwear. This is to say nothing of the fact that fresh pictures of her using a public restroom on the Pacific Coast Highway are suddenly lavished upon us all over the internet and her brown wig has a weird white stain on the back of it. That's just today.

While it’s really just another plot twist in the endless repetitive din of chronic ineptness that is her current life, it’s probably still worth mentioning that she’s been charged with an alleged hit and run and for driving without a license for which she could serve 6 months jail if convicted. Indeed. So, you see how when you read that it becomes yet another moment of blur – it’s like there are words coming at you but because it’s about Britney and failure it’s just noise at this point? I think we’re all about at that stage. Still, if she does go to jail then that’ll mean that America has thoroughly punished all 3 and a half popular girls for being badly behaved. 2 and a half have gone or will go away and all that’s left is Brit. [source]