So, all in all the VMAs were a pretty freaking classy event if the scathing, hate filled editorials in the Post are anything to go by but are we really surprised? These awards ceremonies are essentially meaningless apart from what kind of base level celeb based fuck up spectacles they can deliver either scripted or not. This time, though, the scripted acts seemed to lack the gutter wallowing authenticity that is required for us to talk about it the next day with true marvel and the non-scripted things (well, at least, we’ll assume they were not scripted by the VMA writers) were just predictable celebs acting out in predictable ways.
Obviously, the highlight was this charming little death march:
Is she actually paralysed? What the hell is she doing up there? She’s barely able to move at all let alone dance, probably on account of all that refined white flour and orange food colouring she insists on guzzling on a daily basis – and she’s sure as hell not singing. Even if she did sing, what the hell is that song? It’s just bland assed commercial pop crap with no creative basis. It might have been interesting if the phrase “This is Britney Bitch…” hadn’t already been forced into the lexicon by a legion on pop obsessed 18 year old gay boy bitchkids 7 years ago as they stood around in gay clubs in Ohio working it like hookers in the corner.
But then, that was always the point. Britney sucks? MTV wins because now we can sit here and write things like this about how crap she is. Britney kicks ass? MTV is responsible for supporting her. There was no potential bad outcome for MTV in hiring Britney. Hell, even if she didn’t show they’d have been well prepared.
Also, Paris Hilton's hair made her look like Elaine Stritch and Kid Rock bitch slapped Tommy Lee because they both used to date Pam Anderson. Anderson went up to present an award and the lame fight broke out. Tommy Lee must be desperate for something at the moment. Last week he’s fucking dumb ass groupie sluts at Dune in the Hamptons – probably in front of a dirty minded Ina Garten – and now he’s purposefully being thrown out of the VMAs. Actually, maybe he was just getting out early the only way he knew how.
As for the non-confrontation between Kanye West and Fitty Cent, would someone in that equation just please not suck? [source]