Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

A clever and focused young man named John Allwood from Australia has made every Australian worldwide as proud as whatever gets really proud a lot by smashing 40 watermelons with his head in one minute. Isn’t that lovely? I’m glad someone finally DID it. There’s no doubt about it, when he dies: State Funeral with a royal visitor. [source]

The great thing about the Japanese is that they really do think of everything. They sub-divide ideas and come up with genius new ones that the plain old simple, plodding West would never have had the foresight to think of. Like cucumber flavoured Pepsi from a while back and soap that is shaped like elaborate European and American desserts. Now in Japan you can get soap that is painstakingly shaped to look like dessert. It’s actually a really great thing too, particularly for the uber-rich and completely unhinged freaked out sadists that are going to that weird assed underground restaurant where they have sex with the animal they’re about to eat before it’s slaughtered and cooked for them. With dessert shaped soaps you can eat your last sexual partner and then experience the visual delights of dessert while simultaneously trying desperately to remove the stuck on horrifying dirt that will probably never ever come off anyway. Scrub away! It looks like an ├ęclair! Genius! I’m distracted from my own rapidly decaying sense of decency! Ok, not all Japanese people are freaks. I know. I mean, Jessica Simpson had a line of dessert smelling bathroom crap recently and she’s probably about as culturally corrupt as a Japanese bestial restaurant so, yeah, this kind of thing transcends national borders. [source]

Outrage has erupted in the Kazakh parliament because pictures of Kazakh President Nursultan Nazarbayev in tight swimming trunks were published. “For me, he (Nazarbayev) is a God-appointed person," said Bekbolat Tleukhan, member of the pro-Nazarbayev Nur-Otan party that controls every seat in the lower house. "This is not just impolite, it's pure shame. ... It goes against all our traditions." Of course. Of course this kind of reaction could only come from inane organized, institutionalized religion. But, you know what? Whatever. It’s too bad that they hate to face the reality of their physical selves but that’s nothing new. They’re religious. What’s great about this is the way Reuters has skirted the responsibility of publishing the photo by doing what the Post did with pictures of Saddam Hussein in his underwear; they published a clear picture of someone reading another newspaper that had – thus relinquishing responsibility. [source]

China is back in the saddle with some good old fashioned inane bannings again and this time they’re banning “sexual sounds” on the airwaves. "Commercials containing sexually provocative sounds or tantalizing language as well as vulgar advertisements for breast enhancement and female underwear are banned, effective immediately," said the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television notice. Well, great. Way to cripple the advertising industry. It’s good that they’ve banned “tantalizing language”. As everyone knows, advertising should never be tantalizing. [source]

Whoever the hell thought it was a good idea to get President Bush to teach a grammar lesson to some New York school kids is either a freaking moron or a genius counter operative on the inside. He actually addressed the kids with the phrase, “Childrens do learn”. This isn’t a surprise seeing as only today a copy of a speech he was to deliver was accidentally posted on the UN General Assembly website and it showed how he has to have all the “difficult” words spelt phonetically. Still, it’s odd that a snotty little New York genius kid didn’t either smugly correct him or pop a cap in his ass. Either would have been good. [source]

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