The Reluctant Whore

With no easy Paris fodder for daily consumption, apart from padded out, obsessive documentation by the good folks at TMZ.com, Page Six turns its glare to the brother of Paris Hilton, Barron Hilton.

Best line ever: “Barron, who is tall and blond and believed to be 18”

What, Elliot Mintz can confirm the color of Paris’ shit but he can’t confirm the age of her brother? Where does he live? In a remote village in Kenya?

Apparently, he was mugged at knife point and then some security guards chased away the muggers. But Barron was really only the vehicle through which the Post could talk about Paris again, recapping crap we already know; that there’s tell of a Paris in Jail diary, that Barbara Walters has been in contact and might do the first post jail interview with her. They even used a stock pic of Paris on the story that starts out with the Barron reference. Which really leads on to the next question, where are the nude photos of Paris’ brother?

They wrap up the piece by mentioning that Paris APPARENTLY has another brother, Conrad.
It’s astounding how much you can choose to remain in cognito. Paris and Conrad and Barron are all from the same family and while Paris losing her dog is international news, updated by the minute the two brothers are apparently teenagers.

We can’t possibly be sure.

Incidentally, why do rich frat cultured fuckwits call their kids Barron? Ok, so maybe only the Hiltons and Trumps do that but I mean, you know…there’s a minor point to be made here.

Is it a vain ploy to make it sound like they have an aristocrat in the family? Some Americans can be weird that way; on one hand you can actually find Americans who emphatically point out that they’re not under the Queen’s meaningless rule anymore in the same way they’ll high five each other by saying things like, “Yeah, that’s why we kicked your ass in Vietnam” to whoever they’re annoyed at but on the other hand, they’ll name their kids Countess or Baron or King or Queen. Maybe it’s that they sense an evolution towards Feudalism. [source]