The Reluctant Whore

The New York Post reports that Nicole Ritchie could possibly be pregnant – and I cannot believe I’m actually writing about Nicole Ritchie. Not sure, but it could be a first. The headline is "Eating for Two" and if that's true it means she will now be eating 8 times the amount she was just three months ago.

So, she’s allegedly pregnant with Joel Madden’s kid and while that brings up questions about whether or not it is Joel Madden’s, whether it’s going to help her get out of a potential jail sentence (because everyone, it seems, it going to jail or rehab in LA) and in fact, whether it’s true – the real question here is how will that kid survive inside that dried out membranous carcass sack that is her shriveled, bejeweled body?

Maybe it will just end up being this weird time lapse implosion that happens over 9 months where the kid drains her away until she is nothing more than a translucent shrink wrapped outer layer over the top of a kid – kind of like how the orks are grown and harvested in Lord of the Rings. The kid bursts out of the skin and Ritchie is no more, her child replaces here. Except for the few shreds of hair and her eyeballs that are simply hosed down the drain.

What a calming image at 10:35am. [source]