Friday, June 01, 2007

Week #22 in Review
Sort of like last week, this week includes blogging from Tuesday to Friday because I was in Vienna over the weekend.

It was generally agreed that Lindsay Lohan hit rock bottom this week after photos of her passed out in the front seat of a car were published on the front page of the New York Post. Michael Lohan, LiLo’s ex-con father was reaching out in the press to her saying that she needed a faith based initiative to help get her back on track – right at the same time that it was also announced that he has plans to open a faith based rehabilitation center on Long Island, apparently with the help of newly born again Christian, Stephen Baldwin who was thrown off a bull on television.

Of primary concern to camp Li Lo, however, was the loss of sponsorship money from Svedka vodka for LiLo’s pending 21st birthday due to the pictures of her in the car. Apparently, Svedka’s association with Lindsay Lohan at this point would be distasteful. With an album to promote, Marilyn Manson got on the Li Lo bandwagon and went public with information that Lindsay Lohan was obsessed with changing clothes in front of him but that they never had sex.

Paris Hilton hired a stylist to make sure she looks as glamorous as possible as she walks into jail on Monday and additionally, she will be keeping a diary which will probably sell upon her release for around a million dollars. These two things suggested that Paris Hilton has prepared herself about as much as can be expected for someone about to go to jail as she seems to be back to her old self – someone who compartmentalizes and sells off her own cultural artifacts for top dollar.

John Travolta came under fire for again refusing to admit that his son Jett is autistic and Britney Spears was found in the men’s bathroom of an LA Hotel uncontrollably vomiting all over herself with her make up smeared and her hair gone awry. She suggested it wasn’t a good time for her at the moment.

A piece of melon that was still intact despite being 2100 years old was found in Western Japan, 72 year old Katsusuke Yanagisawa became the oldest man in the world to have climbed Mount Everest and the first “museum of Creationism” opened up in Canada marking a dark moment in the history of rational thought.

A bride in Malaysia perked up and saw it as a sign of good luck when she saw the word Allah spelled out for her in the spilled entrails of a cow on her wedding day, an 80kg gold plated bathtub was stolen from a hotel in Japan and a collection of English cheese enthusiasts competed in a competition in Gloucester which involved throwing balls of cheese down a hill and then rolling down after them.

China launched a campaign to have the Great Wall listed as one of the Seven Wonders of the World, a driver in Germany mistook a subway entryway for a parking lot and drove down it, getting stuck and Microsoft announced it had invented a type of technology responsive to human touch in much the same way as was featured in the film Minority Report which they had installed into a coffee table.

The Chinese government removed a wide range of toy guns from the Shanghai Wal-Mart stating that they looked too realistic, a school in South Korea was in trouble for cheating during a band competition when it was discovered that teachers had dressed in school uniform in order to play instruments in the band and the Spanish town of Reus elected a mayor whose policies included making the town square into a nude swimming pool and painting the town hall pink.

On advice from a witch doctor, a couple in India announced plans to exhume their dead son in order to revive him while elsewhere in India two lawyers tied a 22 year old man to a tree and beat him after he refused to marry one of their relatives and in London Damien Hirst took the veil off his latest sculpture, a platinum cast of a human skull entirely covered in diamonds.

And finally, in Bosnia, a famer decided to sue the local government after his cow walked into a massed grave, it started to rain and the cow drowned.

We think the cow might have been already dead and he thought he could earn some money off it,” said Bosnian prosecutor Mirsad Bilajac.

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