The Reluctant Whore

Clay Aiken’s fan army of obese middle aged women and their daughters from Middle America are starting to turn on one another as two distinct schools of thought emerge regarding the Ache-meister’s sexual orientation. One half of the group think he’s gay and the other, like a massed collective of the purest incarnations of self loathing, food addicted, future goth fag hags refuse to let go of their weird assed fantasy that he’s straight and, we can only assume, is destined to ride off into the sunset with each and every one of them.

It’s getting so bad that Clay’s official site has had to shut down the message board section, the New York Post has reported.

That is actually a little odd. The conversation becomes a little too difficult for the unilateral marketing department at Clay Aiken Inc. and they shut it down? Here’s what they wrote:

"Due to reports of extensive unrest and disrespect amongst members that has been carrying on for several weeks, the Official Fan Club Message Board will be shut down until further notice. Please note that should tensions continue on other areas of the fan club, severe consequences may occur."

If you take out certain key words you could replace them with anything and it would sound like a public service announcement from the Chinese Government. Extensive unrest and disrespect among fans is a terrible thing. What the fuck is "extensive unrest"? A fat bitch slap down? Actually, that would probably be far more honest and engaging content than the tightly constructed crap that Aiken churns out.

Clearly, though, Clay is still in the closet because the research numbers are still suggesting he'll lose money if he comes out. Hell, women fighting about his sexuality is the same sort of appeal keeper used by Anderson Cooper. As Keith Olberman said, his "personal life IS his schtick".

Otherwise, the overall product itself is actually quite bland. Stay in, Clay. Let the women fight. Put them on TV and run the show after Bridezillas. [source]