Wednesday, June 20, 2007

If there was any doubt that Paris Hilton had the intellectual capacity of a 5th grader then all of it should have dissolved with one look at her handwriting. Seeing as she has unlimited time on her recently unmoisturised hands in prison, she’s taken to writing to her fans with an actual pen.

The letter itself is more or less innocuous but the carefully crafted letters, some of which might very well have had to have been copied out of a book – that can’t be confirmed, it’s just an hypothesis – are worthy of a gold star. At the least a smily face in red ink. And then, at the end, she’s signed her name in curly swirly letters and the dots on top of each “I” are cute little hearts.
You sign your name with hearts for the dot on top of an “I” when you’re 11 and you think about changing your name to “Golden Crystal” because at lunch you got carried away in a game of pretend magical witches and wizards.

Still, no doubt her lawyer has been talking about the wonders of direct marketing and she’s filling in time. Hell, it’s either letters and hearts or just hour after hour after hour of sitting there, staring at the wall and hoping that scab will heal. [source]

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