An 81 year old woman in Los Angeles has been taken to hospital for animal bites leaving behind a zoo of pets in her apartment. That zoo includes 120 rats, 25 rabbits, a couple of birds and a dog. Maybe some of those animals, rats, we’re looking at you, weren’t pets so much as they were her unholy army of the night (in training) which in fact eventually turned on her and bit her. They had been secretly plotting and she was the Anti-Christ. Clearly. [source] 
Dutch students have developed a use for powdered alcohol (who knew it existed either) which, when you add water to it, turns into a green alcoholic beverage with 3% alcohol. They’re excited because, due to a legal technicality, they can market it to kids under the legal age in Holland. Paederast rapists are excited too. Because of the legal technicalities. [source]
Roy L Pearson, the Judge who wanted 67 million dollars in damages from a dry cleaners because they lost his pants, is slowly coming around. Now he only wants $54 million for pants. It’s a slow process really; his continuing journey towards being a rational adult. If things continue the way they are then in a year he’ll be beating himself in the head with a plank for being such a ludicrous waste of space. For now, we play the waiting game.[source]
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