Friday, June 29, 2007


Lily Allen was arrested in London but it was just for slapping down a photographer which means that it’s official; getting arrested is the new death.

In the timeline, Anna Nicole Smith pioneered attention seeking when she died. That trumped the celebrities checking into rehab. Checking into rehab took over from saying “nigger” or “faggot” and saying “nigger” or “faggot” took over from releasing a sex tape. Of course, it’s not a neat timeline and you have over lapping instances of each but the general trend is evident. You know a trend is starting to wane when lower rung celebs like Jesse Metcalfe and Andy Dick start emulating the more famous celebrities and at that point no one takes it seriously. At that point, we mostly just roll our eyes.
Anyway, so Lily Allen getting arrested – great. If she wanted to get arrested for the press wouldn’t you try something a little less worn out? Hitting the paparazzi is a little old and tired – Princess Diana screamed at them way over ten years ago and recently Justin Timberlake took photos of them and called them assholes. Even Vivica A Fox got sassy with the law the other day and roped in a bit of racism. It’s all been done. Lily Allen needed to arrive with a bag from which she pulled costumes and midgets with rifles and she would then have them all re-enact a scene from “the Sound of Music.” Like, FORCE the photographers to sing and dance at gunpoint. She, of course, would be in the role of Fraulein Maria. The midgets would be holding the weapons but sometimes they could be chairs. [source]

1 comment:

Michael K Wyllie said...

Watch out the midgets don't turn on you Matthew when their small-man syndrome imposed hate needs direction. Best give them fake guns, they will be happy just to be part of something... and together. small people always like knowing there are other small people about and they show their appreciation with acknowledging gestures such as nodding or the inconspicuous wave. Ahhh, small people.