Wednesday, June 06, 2007

So, you’d think that with news that Dina Lohan was never a Rockette and nor did she ever perform on Broadway that people might say things like, “My my, how the Lohan plot thickens” but it’s not really thickening.

What we already basically knew is official; that the career she never had, the one that pushes her to push the Li Lo – she really literally never had it. The New York Post reports that a whole host of major theatrical organisations have no record of the career she claims to have had.

It’s always been a pretty thin consommĂ© of a plot once you wash away the daily high impact, high corn syrup stories about how Lindsay was drunk in a truck stop toilet with her head in a toilet bowl. And sure, those stories are usually pretty good for stabbing away at the boredom but, the Dina Lohan part is playing out as would be expected. She’s a rancid show mother, she’s living through her daughter and will bleed the kid dry of life before she gives up on the career she never had.

Yes, we know.

Much like with Monica Lewinsky, Tom Cruise and Britney Spears the answer to being really engaging for Dina is to write a one person show where she just lays it all on the line. It should include all the stories of her pushy mother and distant, abusive father, the long hours slaving over the family…what? Tannery!

And then her job handing out slabs of pie in the Diner along the freeway in the Arizona desert or some other cultural wasteland (HA! Diner Dina!), the time a john took her to Vegas where she first gots her a taste of the finer things. All she wanted was her parent’s love! Then they died and she never got on stage cause that lousy talent agent took her 200 dollars. God, it writes itself. There wouldn’t be a dry seat in the house. Because of the nausea. [source]

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