Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Always culturally ten steps somewhere near the rest of the world, Russia has just launched a Robot police device that patrols the streets looking for crime. The first one they built immediately rusted in the rain but this one has apparently been built to withstand more of the basic elements one comes in contact with while living on planet earth. How novel and forward thinking. They’ve named it R. BOT 001. “You can't make it angry. When it repeats the same thing over and over in a monotone voice, then perhaps the information will sink in," said the robot's handler. Yes, hopefully it will sink in. Either that or petty offenders will just turn it around and point it in another direction. Everything I have a gut reaction to say here is entirely derived from the plot of Robocob and 80s clich├ęs of New York culture. Like, street punks with bandannas and spray cans at night, near neon signs with switchblades thinking they can kick the robot over or spray paint the cameras but then they all get dumped in garbage cans and the audience cheers and I remain silent and roll my eyes. [source]
Gargantuan Canadians (they’re gargantuan because they’re so fat) can breathe a sigh of relief because ambulances built specifically to move their inhumanly large blob like carcasses around have been developed and put into circulation within the Canadian Health System. Let’s face it though, they didn’t need this to breathe a sigh of relief; morbidly obese people get to breathe a sigh of relief every time they blink an eye. I thought this would just be like a forklift with a mattress tied to it but it actually looks like an industrial sized truck with disarming colors painted on it. Colors always distract from soul crippling horror. [source]
What shit of a year it’s been for champion hot dog eater Takaru Kobayashi. With not long to go before the hot dog eating championships at Coney Island, Koabayashi has just written on his blog that he’s hurt his jaw. At least that’s the general gist anyway. The translation is computer generated so it could be conceptual poetry and nothing more. IT’s more fun to panic though so we’ll go with option 1. Only a few weeks ago he lost the title for most hotdogs eaten in one sitting to an American. Named Joey Chestnut for Christ’s sake. It’s one thing to lose but to an eternally smiling American with a cheesy name…well, that’s depression inducing. Or rage. Either way, it’s a bit of crap luck for the Japanese hog anus and nitrate gorger. [source]

No comments: