Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

Its exam time in China which means that suicide rates are about to sky rocket when nearly half a million kids don’t get into college. As a result, reports have surfaced that parents in China are busily sourcing amphetamines to feed their kids so they’ll study harder. Because what’s a little drug abuse and sleep deprivation followed by dehydration, exhaustion and disrupted serotonin levels in the face of academic failure. Plus, you know that even if they fail, it’s still not even really failure compared to US standards. China is one big national incarnation of a show mother – an academic Dina Lohan if you will. [source]

Good old China. It’s really hard to know where to start with this one. In order to impress visiting businessmen, local officials not only ordered people to sit in the audience of the Third Vegetable Exposition (which is baffling in itself, after all – who wouldn’t have dropped their newborn child and raced out of the house to buy tickets at any cost to something with that name? And you know that the third time round, they’ve really worked out the kinks and this one was rumoured to be EVEN MORE fascinating than the first and second) they’ve also ORDERED audience members to clap and cheer. This is like part 6 in China’s campaign to be “involved” in the “rest of the world” where they act like an awkward corporate executive attempting to have a relationship with his newly located 4 year old daughter. That's in addition to being one big national incarnation of a show mother. [source]

A man in China who had stomach aches has taken to eating live frogs, rats and mice and he says that after a month the pain has gone away. Not necessarily so. Isn’t it far more likely that the damage in his stomach is still there, it’s just that the actual pain receptors, the very components of his body that indicate to the brain that there is something wrong in an area, have become disillusioned with their role in such an inane man’s body that they have packed up and left to seek alternate work. Sometimes, waiting it out just isn’t worth it. [source]

A recent study has shown that the majority of British women (52%) prefer a block of chocolate to actual sex. Is that entirely unexpected? Faced with the rotting teeth, awkward bare knees, pasty skin and culture based on a thousand years of complaining in between multiple tea breaks, chocolate WOULD provide a welcome relief faster than having to actually come in close proximity to three of the four previously mentioned cultural certainties of Britain. [source]

No comments: