Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Today In Extraordinarily Odd

If you’ve ever driven through Bulgaria, parked illegally, run in to the store for a quart of milk and then come out to find not only a ticket on your car but a bunch of locals looking at you while attempting to conceal their mirth (and let’s face it, who hasn’t?), this current shocking revelation about Bulgarian Roads and Traffic Authority bureaucracy will explain everything away. Apparently no one bothers to pay traffic fines in Bulgaria because there’s no one employed to collect the money. The only money collected for traffic infringement in Bulgaria in the last year was from foreigners who didn’t know better. Not anymore...[source]

As she hung the laundry out to dry on her 6th floor balcony a woman stretched too far and fell. She didn’t die however, because there was a 20 cm thick pool of excrement on the street at sewer workers were tending to their business below, and her fall was broken by that pool of excrement. The full force of her adult sized body was cushioned by a steaming, fermenting pile of human excrement below into which she fell – leaving her more or less unscathed physically except probably mentally scarred from the mental image and memory of being covered in excrement. In fact, from now on she may well wake up suddenly in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, freaked out that the dirt won’t come off. There’s no way to tell unless this story is revisited in a little while but its fine to speculate about the depths of horror she might descend to. [source]

It must be a shit riddled day because as a woman was saved by shit, Maria Pantalone, teacher who – and who the hell knows why she thought this would be a good idea – actually threw shit at a 12 year old student. It seems fairly likely that if you were a teacher and you actually threw human shit at a student, that you’d be fired as its not professional teacher conduct. At all, really. However, Pantalone is the Deputy Mayor of Toronto’s sister so she was suspended with pay (given a vacation) and even after she admitted the shit throwing – might be reinstated. What would actually be a good idea is if she’s given a class is hooked up to electrodes and then put on Reality TV. Every day presents another nail biting half hour episode where you’re just not sure if she’ll snap and flip out and then, suddenly be electrocuted (gently but enough to solicit an rather jarring noise from her) by the student she originally threw shit at. Either that or she could just relocate and go work in a German brothel. Perhaps not with her prestigious political family. [source]

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