The Reluctant Whore

Despite the fact that the Anna Nicole Story unravels one piece at a time, it’s strange how the facts are actually always more or less common knowledge through a process of rational thought and common sense way prior to their announcement. We didn’t need legal or professional advice to know that Anna Nicole was probably pumped to the hilt with prescription drugs when she died (nor did we ultimately REALLY need to know at all when you really think about it) and yet, the media made us wait for days and cued up the suspenseful backing track to make sure it was all so dramatic as though we really had no idea – because, GOSH, this story is just a whirlwind of crazy plot twists.

Admittedly, because Virgie Arthur is involved, it does tend to be reliably ludicrous but the motivations behind each player aren’t entirely mysterious and after you know what they are, everything else is pretty predictable and consistent and that’s been proven once again with the statement released by Howard K Stern’s people.

With full knowledge that he’s not so much the FATHER of Anna Nicole’s inheritance…err, child so much as he is the Sharon Osbourne of the whole situation, Howard K Stern, under the white hot laser like watch of his new, shit hot lawyer, releases a statement which changes his vehement insistence of ownership…err, custody of the child to a general, zen like emotional concern and claim that he will not pursue custody further if he’s found to not be the child’s father. All he cares about is the child. He just wants her to be happy. So, suddenly he could potentially NOT be the father.

So, what’s really going on here is that he’s attempting to disarm the bands of rock throwing Anna Nicole and Larry Birkhead enthusiasts he knows will rise up in heated anger at him once the true father is announced. And he’s starting his new (non-money centric), “I just want the kid to be happy” campaign none too soon either; the court is announcing who the father really is tomorrow. [source]