Friday, April 06, 2007

Celebrity Madness

Britney’s tendency to date people who will do to her what she only wishes she could do to herself are becoming less veiled post rehab as she apparently hitches up with singer Howie Day (No, not Howie D, the stylistically rebellious Backstreet Boy with the tattoos and piercings designed to cater to the slightly more rebellious fans from the 11 year old girl contingent). The scenario is textbook. Howie Day has the cute, boyish good looks of a farm boy who recently moved to Williamsburg, Brooklyn to play guitar in the big city coupled with the talent and sensitivity of a musician on the OUTSIDE, with the paradoxically narcissistic, anti-social tendency to harass people on aircrafts, and punish women who don’t want to sleep with him by locking them in the toilet stall of his tour bus on the INSIDE. That roughly translates to the fact that he can convincingly smile at Britney’s mother while at dinner and then take her behind the shed where no one can see and viciously berate her for looking up at the dinner table. [source]

Martha Stewart’s attempt at buying and comodifying the quaintness of the New England town of Katonah is met with vehement disapproval from the townsfolk themselves who rise up in angry mob with flaming torch sentiments. So much so that Stewart has to cancel an appearance in the town for fear of being lynched. This is what happens when celebrities come up against just a few people who might still have the capacity for independent thought. There’s no doubt that Stewart is at home in Turkey Hill right now, completely baffled as to why the little people wouldn’t want to be immortalized by her and turned into a business angle for her affordable 300 thread count sheets and stainless steel muffin pans. It’s inconceivable. [source]

Because surely there’s nothing more arousing than jacking off over a dead woman who at the time of death had a whole series of well publicized abscesses on her ass, drug dependencies, unhealed breast implants, she always seemed really dehydrated and couldn’t really form a coherent sentence for about 6 months prior to her death, Hugh Hefner is planning on running a whole selection of photographic tributes to Anna Nicole Smith and a television tribute to her on the Playboy channel. Abscesses, just as an aside, are pus filled sores. [source]

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