Friday, April 13, 2007

Today in Extraordinarily Odd

2012 watches each containing fragments of the submerged Titanic (brilliantly titled “Titanic DNA” – sincerely, it’s a brilliant name) will give people who like to spend upwards of 7,000 but not more the 140,000 (aw…) dollars on a watch the soul…er, stories (?) they’ve been so desperately looking and historically paying for. That’s more or less what the manufacturer of the Titanic DNA watches claims. And the great thing is that each watch is a little bit different. Some have paint with coal from the ship ground into it, some even have rusted steel on the outside just to hammer it home that you bought the thing. Either way, these watches stand for excellence in dinner party anecdotes as much as they harp back to the unavoidably tragic deaths of 1500 people who sank nearly a hundred years ago – most of whom were poor because poor people are worth less than rich people. In every way. Hooray for gimmicky new ways to buy a soul! [source]

Quick everyone, start saving your pennies and call in for a sick day in the middle of May because the Pope’s new book is being released in English that day and its bound to be another genius EXPERIENCE for us all. It’s important to remember that, when it comes to this book, it was begun when the Pontif was still Cardinal Ratzinger and, because he hadn’t ascended the bureaucracy at the point officially, the book isn’t considered official Catholic doctrine and therefore the divine word of God made manifest in physical form. That only happens once he gets a promotion and writes the entire thing from him new office. What’s great about it too is that the Pope actually acknowledged that. He said of his book that is a written account of his personal search for the Lord that, “''Everyone is free, then, to contradict me,'' which would, of course, not be the case had he written it all as Pope. PHEW! Lucky we got that clear. So wait, just to clarify; my unbaptised kid who died at childbirth doesn’t go to Limbo now, why? I forgot how divine truth works again. Is that bad? [source]

Painting arrows on the ceiling of The Hague seemed like such a good and efficient way to ensure that Muslim prisoners knew exactly which way to turn when they wanted to face Mecca and pray. They do it 5 times a day so the need was certainly there. Sadly, everything went haywire when it turned out that the prison director who put up the arrows accidentally had them facing the complete opposite direction. With it being common knowledge that these days it’s ill conceived to piss off just about any group of people no matter how small who identify with religions that were founded in the Middle East not to mention the fact that one in sixteen people in the Netherlands is Muslim, it’s astounding that prison officials didn’t think to check what amounts to essentially the only important detail in providing inmates with a directional arrow ie. which way it is pointing. Still, prison officials can take heart in the fact that while they may have succeeded at providing the inmates with a sure path to Muslim hell in that prison those Muslims are probably going there anyway if they were in prison in the first place so, it’s really just a a massive cultural faux pas and expose of crippling ignorance among prison officials – nothing more. [source]

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