The Reluctant Whore

Now that Rosie O’Donnell is leaving the View there’s a desperate gap on the show for someone who makes it resemble a living breathing idea with cultural relevance. After all Barbara Walters may be clinging to live by the smell of an oily rag and a viscous matron like stranglehold on the show but Rosie kept the kids talking about the show by picking fights with people who would fight back. There is, apparently, nothing more attractive to the American housewife demographic than bickering celebrities – that is after they’ve had their fill of paternity test mystery talk shows and the fear based Entertainment Tonight.

The New York Post reports, “It's going to be hard for them to follow Rosie," says an industry insider. "Roseanne could be the only one capable of pulling it off."

Roseanne is not as conniving as Rosie O’Donnell who seems to maintain a ying yang, Jeckyll and Hyde, good cop/bad cop routine remarkably well with her sparkling, kid friendly “Remember how I played Betty in that shite film remake of the Flintstones that Spielberg directed over the phone while directing Schindler’s List” smile brushed across her face as she takes the kids of family focused lesbians on cruises and all the while secretly plotting to take over the world via television with a list of her nemeses carved into her stomach with a razor blade.

No, Roseanne’s a little more overt with her motives. She still has that same agonising need for attention and spouts opinions that every now and then veer away from rational thought because she’ll get fixated with a tangent. America is used to that with Rosie. Plus, she has the added bonus of a uniquely jarring voice that has a certain punishing quality about it not to mention that white trash manner of speech where she uses incorrect grammar. But, let us not forget, that was one of the central components of George W Bush’s persona that made him identifiable to the average person so should prove to be no liability.

Plus, if they did go with Rosie, Americans would be less visually shocked than if they chose someone like Joan Rivers or Connie Chung. Roseanne Barr and Rosie O’Donnell are more or less the same size and shape so people could sit there and just block their ears, squint and pretend like nothing has changed. The rest of the woman at The View could also feasibly keep the stationary and party invites printed up which of course means that they’d save money and time too so, that's also good.
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