Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Celebrity Madness


As part of her “I’m just like you – please buy my record” campaign, J Lo shows up to jury duty with an assistant and a change of outfit. It’s really a process of doing just the barest minimum possible but still actually being there long enough to make it too exhausting for anyone to bother arguing about how fake it all seems. Well, except for here of course. She turns up to do her civic duty as an American, great. Yes, she turns up, assistant in toe, totally disengages from where she is by obsessively texting the entire time, is actually granted her very own court official so she doesn’t have to share, goes away during lunch, changes clothes and assistants and then comes back in time to tick the boxes with her publicist and sit down to a nice meal of rare African child marinated in a complex mixture of the fur of white tigers, Elizabeth Taylor’s jewelry and a cup of the condensed moisture from the lungs of the last living dodo. None of which she ends up eating.[source]




While she’s at least a year late, Mariah Carey is looking to adopt a publicity enhancing humanizer…err, child and by GOD, would someone get her one immediately. What a fabulous role model she would be for a kid. Why can’t she have her own? Could it be that she’s afraid of the effect pregnancy may have on her extremely well maintained and svelte figure? Oh, can’t be that some things simply remain perfect with no help. Why worry where no worry is necessary? Oh, jokes at the expense of the rapidly fluctuating bodies of the emotionally complex narcissist aside, she’s gone to Mexico to buy which is admittedly original. While all bought children so far have come from China, South East Asia and Africa, none have come from south of the border. Maybe she’s hoping no one will notice that she’s jumping on the bandwagon by going to an as yet untouched source.[source]


Justin Timberlake, all pepped up on how marketable he is right now, states clearly that he hates gossip magazines because they’ve turned his life into a soap opera. Is it inaccurate to suggest that celebrities only come out with statements like this when they feel they don’t need to work to get publicity because the rhythm is flowing and they’ve hit a professional point where magazine editors always want photos of them? It’s simply unfeasible to consider that Justin Timberlake wouldn’t descend into a Britney Spears esque spiral of self loathing if the press suddenly didn’t care. Would he even exist anymore? [source]

1 comment:

fiona peel said...

i've always thought of J'Lo as just like me!